My Blurb Needs More . . . Oomph. What Do You Think?

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I’m in the final edits of my first novel, and I’ve recently contracted an artist to create the cover art for the book cover. For the back cover, I’d like to include a brief blurb to hook readers and tell what the story is about. It’s an Arthurian parody that centers around the adventures of Sir Kay and his page, Pig. They are on a quest to secure a mysterious holy item. All the while, they run into strange people, are pursued by a geocacher in search of the same item, and are battling each other. The main theme of the story centers around change.

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My blurb needs more . . . oomph!

I would greatly appreciate some advice on improving the blurb. I’m not sure it’s as good as it should be. Maybe it needs more oomph. Maybe it needs more sentence variety. I’m not sure the grammar is perfect, either. Please provide feedback or ideas in the comments at the bottom of the page. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’ve got tough skin, and an awesome blurb can only help me in the long run with book sales and what not. In advance, I’d like to thank you for your thoughts and criticism. What I love the most about the online writing community is how helpful and supportive everyone is. And I am always happy to return the favor.

Here is the blurb:

As a humble gong farmer, young Pig can only dream of the glories of Camelot. When she is promoted to Sir Kay’s page as a joke, she thinks her dreams have come true. But she soon discovers Sir Kay and Camelot are not exactly what she expected. Rather than accept things the way they are, Pig makes it her mission to “fix” her knight, even if against his will. Meanwhile, the self-proclaimed wizard Merlin concocts a plan to raise an army worthy of Camelot, but first he has to get rid of all the knights. So he sends them on a quest for the Holy Gift Box—er—Bread Basket—whatever it is. On their journey, Pig and Kay encounter an insane pond dweller, several greedy salesmen, and one overzealous cache seeker in search of the ultimate cache, all the while fighting against each other and the most infamous villain of all: change. Filled with laugh-out-loud humor, unforgettable characters, and something that starts with s, but it isn’t important, The Quest for the Holy Something or Other is a fresh spin on a well-known legend.

Again, thank you in advance for your thoughts. I appreciate the help.

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14 thoughts on “My Blurb Needs More . . . Oomph. What Do You Think?

  1. Just a few suggested changes:
    Humble but ambitious, young Pig dreams of Camelot glory. When she is promoted to Sir Kay’s Page as a joke, she sees the chance to make her dreams come true. However, she soon discovers that Sir Kay and Camelot are not exactly what she expected. Pig makes it her mission to “fix” her knight, even if against his will. Meanwhile, the self-proclaimed wizard Merlin concocts a plan to raise an army to make Camelot famous and feared, but first he needs to get rid of all the knights. So he sends them on a quest for the Holy Gift Box—er—Bread Basket—whatever it is. On their journey, Pig and Sir Kay encounter an insane pond dweller, several greedy salesmen, and one overzealous cache seeker in search of the ultimate cache, all the while fighting against each other and the most infamous villain of all: Change. Filled with laugh-out-loud humor, unforgettable characters, and something that starts with s, but it isn’t important, The Quest for the Holy Something or Other is a fresh spin on a well-known legend.

  2. Jon

    Here’s my go:

    Meet Pig. She’s a simple gong farmer who gets made page to Sir Kay of Camelot as a joke. Her dreams have come true … or have they? Camelot isn’t what she thought it was (and neither is Sir Kay). But Pig doesn’t accept disappointment lying down: when dodgy wizard Merlin sends all the knights away on a quest for something he assures them is very important, while he gets on with sorting out their replacements, Pig decides to try and improve her knight. Whether he likes it or not. On the journey, knight and page fight a lot (mostly with each other) and encounter a mad pond dweller, some greedy salesmen, a very keen cache hunter, and the ultimate villain: change. The Quest for the Holy Something or Other is a fresh and funny take on a well-known legend, with engaging characters, some quite good jokes, and something that starts with s, but it isn’t important.

  3. I reckon you could shorten it a little and make it snappier.
    something like —– A humble gong farmer, young Pig can only dream of the glories of Camelot. Taken on as Sir Kay’s page she thinks her dreams have come true; meanwhile, the self-proclaimed wizard Merlin sends them on a quest. On their journey, Pig and Kay encounter an insane pond dweller, several greedy salesmen, and one overzealous cache seeker in search of the ultimate cache; all the while they’re fighting each other and the most infamous villain of all: change. Full of unforgettable characters, and something that starts with s, but it isn’t important, The Quest for the Holy Something or Other is a fresh spin on a well-known legend.

  4. Camelot the home of famous legends: Arthur, Sir Lancelot, and Merlin . . . but this isn’t their story. Meet Pig, a humble gong farmer who dreams of the glories of camelot. Her dreams become reality–or are dashed before her eyes–when she is promoted to Sir Kay’s page. What starts off as a joke soon turns into the adventure of Pig’s life when Merlin sends the knights on a quest for the Holy Gift Box–er–Bread Basket–whatever it is. On their quest they face many knight worthy, and some not so knightworthy, foes: An insane pond dweller, greedy salespeople, and an overzealous cache seeker in search of the ultimate cache, all the while fighting against time, mostly each other, and the most infamous villain of all: change. The Quest for the Holy Something or Other is a fresh and funny take on a well-known legend, with engaging characters, some quite good jokes, and something that starts with s, but it isn’t important.

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